Superstitions
by ResDes2
Summary: Rated T for language and gay themes. Don't like, don't read. Kurt explains a day in his life through his eyes. Comment pleases.


**This is meant to be a one shot. Nothing more. If you feel unsatisfied with the end, write what you think should happen. That's what a good reader does and a good writer wants. A conclusion, but not cut and dry. Well, this is written in the view of Kurt. I hope this is good. Using some of my own experiences here for this story. **

I woke up this morning groggy, like every morning. I looked into the mirror and saw a hair askew. I knew I would spend twenty minutes on that one, tiny little hair strand. Ugh. I hate mornings. Especially bad hair days.

And while examining the rest of my body for any flaws, I see that tiny little white mark on my ring finger.

Crap.

I didn't want it, but I knew it was a sign. I haven't gotten one since, like, sixth grade. Some people think it means a calcium defficiency. But I get my daily intake. I know what it really means.

It means I have a crush on someone.

My damn superstitions coming true. I didn't want it to, but there it is. That tiny little mark of death, glaring up at me. Not only is it unsightly, but fuck it, it means what I've been dreading. Despite all my efforts, there's no point in denying it anymore. It's written on the walls. And my right ring finger.

I have a crush on Finn.

Stupid Finn. Can't even sing. Just a pretty face. Too pretty of a face if you ask me. These are the thoughts toiling in my mind as I drive to school. I try not to, but I continue to stare at the blemish. It's right in front of my face.

On my way into class, I think about how annoying I think Finn really is. I hate him. He's too cute. Why does he get everything?

As I'm being thrown into the trash can (the daily ritual), I think about how I find it cruel that he gets the perfect body and the toughness and the ability to sing. But most importantly, I think about how he has the courage to express himself. I'm jealous of Finn. I want to be with Finn. I want to be him. Fuck life.

While I'm blanking in English, thinking about how I could hide this mark somehow, Finn starts talking like he always does. He's not that smart, but oh well.

And for one brief moment, his eyes connect with mine. For a second, my eyes gawk into the vastness of Finn's brown eyes. I look into his soul, and I see something. I cannot exactly tell what, but I see something. I see this hope and this love and beauty. And he smiles. And I pretend to be bored, but I know I'm stupidly smiling right back.

And then he breaks it off. Must be he thought it was too weird. The feeling was too intense. He didn't want to be staring into these queer eyes. He's not gay.

And he showed all these emotions I didn't want to see. These emotions that showed false hope. I couldn't stand them anymore. I've lived my whole life with hope and gotten nowhere. And now he looks into my eyes and I see this glimmer of chance. A possibility that he may like me the same way as I do. That he may return the love.

That jackass. Why must he toy with my emotions? At least his eyes are a nice chocolaty brown.

While walking to my next class, as I think about how annoyingly handsome Finn is, he turns around and he hesitates. As if he's thinking, "Is this a good idea?" I immediately analyze that to mean, "Am I coming off to strong? Does he know that I like him?"

And he asks, "You coming to glee club after school?"

I awkwardly say, "Yeah, see you there," and then walk away.

The tease. He wants to mess with my head. I can't seem to figure out if he has the same feelings I have. I can't interpret those words, they come off to me saying that, "I love you and I want to be close to you." I hate him. Why does he have to be so cute and attractive and flirty? Why does he have to make everyone think that he's in love with them? Why does he have to toy with my heart?

As I stand there in Glee and stare at his face and those kissable lips and those adorable beauty spots, I realize he is too cute for his own good. I realize, do I want him just because he's a pretty face or because I love him?

I don't know if I really like his character. He can be annoying. I hate the fact that he gets everything and subconsciously plays with everyone. And he's not even that smart.

When I try and rationalize my want for him, I realize it's not a good want. It's a lust for his body, not a love for his heart. I can't believe it. I'm going all crazy over this one simple thing. But it's not simple, it's complicated and impossible.

And yet, at the football game that night as I'm off to the side, watching Finn's tight ass frolic around that field, I still want him. I try and tell myself I don't, but I do. It's unavoidable. I will continue to want him even though I don't think I love him.

And then I look over and I see the clock. And it reads "11:11." Stopped at that very moment. It seems so very unlikely. So magical.

I make a wish. I hate myself for it, but I wish that Finn would love me the way I love him. Because deep down in my heart I know it's true.

And then he stares over at me. And I go through the same routine.

And when I'm lying in bed, about to fall asleep, I imagine me wrapped in Finn's big arms, my head resting on his large chest.

And I look over at his finger, and I see that little white line. And I smile.

But remember, this is only a fantasy.


End file.
